Starting With the Numbers: Helping Women Evaluate Their Budgets When Considering a Separation or Divorce
When I work with women who are navigating separation or divorce, one of the first steps we take together is getting grounded in the reality of their finances.
Not the ideal version. Not the feared version. The real numbers.
Understanding your budget clearly and honestly is what allows you to make informed decisions, advocate for yourself, and explore the options available to you. Whether that includes support, career changes, or lifestyle adjustments, it's important to approach all of your options with curiosity and creativity, trusting the process to lead you to solutions that fit your family.
To show you how this process works, let’s look at “Ruth,” a hypothetical client whose situation mirrors what many women experience. We’ll review three different scenarios of Ruth’s budget:
Scenario 1: Her baseline budget with no support
Scenario 2: A budget with child support and spousal support
Scenario 3: A budget with child support and increased income
This framework helps women see where the pressure points are and how different support scenarios can change the overall picture.
Scenario 1: Ruth’s Baseline Budget With No Support
We always start by establishing a baseline. For Ruth, her wages alone are $5,000 per month before taxes, leaving her with $4,500.58 after taxes. Her monthly expenses — mortgage, utilities, transportation, child-related costs, personal expenses, and insurance — total $6,459.83.
That creates a monthly deficit of $1,959.25.
This number is important. It’s not a sign that she’s failing or overspending — it's a reflection of reality. Housing costs, transportation, and monthly life expenses often remain the same (or even increase) during a separation or after divorce.
For many women, this baseline budget shows why spousal or child support may be necessary to maintain stability for themselves and their children.
Scenario 2: Ruth’s Budget With Child Support and Spousal Support
Next, we look at what happens when support is added.
In this scenario, Ruth receives:
$500/month in child support based on the Oregon Child Support Calculator
$1,000/month in spousal support based on the “need and ability to pay” philosophy utilized in the State of Oregon
This increases her total monthly income to $6,500 before taxes, leaving her with $6,000.58 after taxes.
It’s important to note that child support and spousal support are not taxable income to the recipient. Ruth receives these amounts in full, without tax withholding — a detail that often makes a meaningful difference in a woman’s monthly cash flow and overall budget planning.
With expenses unchanged at $6,459.83, her monthly deficit shrinks dramatically—from almost $2,000 down to just $459.25.
This is a pivotal moment for many clients. Seeing the numbers in black and white clarifies:
Why support may be necessary
How support directly impacts financial stability
That asking for support isn’t about conflict — it’s about sustainability
Support doesn’t magically create surplus, but it often closes the gap enough to make a realistic plan.
Scenario 3: Ruth’s Budget With Child Support and Increased Income
The final scenario shows the power of increasing personal income.
This example is often empowering because it shows women that they have multiple paths toward stability, not just reliance on support. That might include:
Returning to work after time at home
Asking for a raise
Taking on additional hours
Pursuing further education
Changing careers entirely
Here, Ruth’s income increases to $6,666.67 per month, with child support remaining at $500. Her total monthly income becomes $7,166.67 before taxes, and $6,193.92 after taxes.
Her expenses stay the same — but now her deficit drops to only $265.91 per month.
But the key is sequencing: We don’t talk about increasing income until the real budget is established. Otherwise, women often feel pressure to “fix it all” without understanding what the actual need is.
For Women Who Aren’t Currently Working
For women who are not currently earning income, the prospect of divorce can feel especially frightening. The idea of returning to the workforce, particularly when caring for very young children, can feel overwhelming or even impossible. I understand this fear deeply because I lived it myself when my own divorce happened, I had chosen to stay at home with my young children, and the idea of going back to work was paralyzing.
But there are ways to bridge the financial gap during this transition. Sometimes that includes temporary support arrangements, shared caregiving schedules, or short-term assistance designed specifically to help a parent stay home with small children. Interestingly, many women discover a sense of empowerment in returning to work. Fortunately, today’s world offers more flexible options, from remote work to freelance opportunities to entrepreneurial pursuits.
What’s most important is not avoiding the reality of your numbers out of fear. Facing them head-on brings clarity, reduces anxiety, and opens the door to solutions.
Are You Ready To Look At Your Own Budget?
Many women arrive in my office feeling overwhelmed, unsure of where to start, or worried about making the wrong financial decisions during separation or divorce. Most have never created a budget and feel intimidated or even embarrassed to start. Our process guides you step-by-step, helping you understand your expenses to create a realistic budget baseline. This can include multiple scenarios; looking at keeping a marital home, selling and renting, or other options, so you can compare each one. Our goal is to help women feel informed, empowered, and in control of their financial future. You can get started today by scheduling a Confidential Consultation today.
