What Happens When Women Start Investing in Themselves (It's About More Than Money)
“What is one thing you can do for yourself this week?”
We had been talking for almost 20 minutes. While her story was new to me, the patterns were not. Years of trying to make it work, practically on her own. No real help with the kids. Finances that didn’t quite add up. So many lies.
“I see all the balls you're trying to keep in the air. You’re doing so much to take care of everyone around you. What is one thing you can do for yourself this week?”
There was silence on the other end of the phone.
“Well, I am working, taking my son to his baseball tournament, my mom is sick so she isn’t available to help. There is just no time….not enough….I don’t know what I would even do”.
I don’t think women wake up one morning and decide they aren’t worth investing in. It's probably not even a tangible thought at all. But the symptoms of that reality are easy to see when you slow down to look:
Your kid joins a club sports team and you make sure the funds are there to cover the costs, but you cancel your dentist appointment because that expense can wait.
You contribute your time and talents for teacher appreciation week to ensure they feel appreciated and celebrated, and postpone your therapy appointment so you can be at the school.
You carefully plan your family's meals for the week, making sure everyone’s preferences are taken into consideration, then realize you didn’t buy anything for your own lunch that day.
You go to work and contribute to the family's finances, but make less than your husband and feel guilty spending money.
Everyone else’s needs become more important than your own. As a matter of fact, if someone asks what you need…you’re stumped!
“I need everyone around me to be happy/cared for/OK.“Me? I don’t need anything.”
Now, factor in an unhealthy relationship. A marriage that looks good on Instagram but in reality, you walk on eggshells to keep the peace. Your needs are belittled by the one person who should be supporting you. You’re told you're too much or not enough.
Somewhere along the way, you became both the problem and the solution.
Ironically, when this happens, the lifeline most women reach for isn’t help for ourselves. Our own health is quietly ignored in favor of doubling down efforts to fix or control what’s happening around us.
A scarcity mindset starts to rule our thoughts and actions. There isn’t enough time, money, or resources, so we look for ways to cut back.
And the first budget line item to be cut is the one with your name on it.
The word “budget” likely makes you think of money, but it’s much broader than that. How you choose to use any resource, whether it’s time, emotional energy, your thoughts, your actions, and yes, your money, all boils down to one thing.
They're about worth. What’s worth your effort, your time, your investment?
You may have stopped asking, “What do I need?” because you base your worth on how you meet other’s needs. Your value, your worth is measured by something outside of yourself. But your health, your peace, your hope….well, that’s gonna have to wait until everything else is in order.
It makes sense that you’ve devalued your worth when you’re measuring it based on circumstances that aren’t what you hoped for, what you’ve prayed for, or what you desperately want. You’re seeking peace where there is conflict, hope where you feel hopeless, joy where there is pain. That is both admirable and speaks to just how valuable you are.
All those balls you're keeping in the air? They are an illusion that you’re in control. You’ve become the problem and the solution, because if you don’t do it….who will? Am I right?
If the juggler’s arms get too weary, what will happen to the balls? Wouldn’t it make sense to strengthen the arms keeping the balls in the air?
What’s one thing you can do for yourself this week?
One small way to remind yourself you’re worth investing in.
Perhaps it's simply a walk outside with an audiobook that helps take your mind somewhere else for an hour. Maybe it’s rescheduling that therapy appointment. Seeing a doctor. Telling someone the truth about the balls in the air.
What I’ve learned as I’ve walked alongside women: They are wildly capable, fiercely protective of their people, generous perhaps to a fault. The truth is that you deserve to be cared for with that same passion, to have your needs met, or perhaps just to take 15 minutes to contemplate what those needs are.
That isn’t selfish; that’s a wise investment. An investment with an ROI (Return on Investment) that is immeasurably important because you are important.
Will some balls fall in the process of pursuing health for yourself? Maybe. But you also might find that those balls needed to fall. That what feels like failure is actually exactly what was needed to take the first step toward a new way of juggling. One that invites others to help carry the load.
I guess what I want to say is…you have permission to seek help where you feel helpless. Because that’s what strong women do. They resist the lie that they are both the problem and the solution. They tell the truth, seek health, gain courage, and find creative ways to get out of unhealthy patterns. I’m not going to pretend this is easy or comfortable. But is the way you’re living now sustainable?
What’s one thing you can do for yourself this week?
It doesn’t have to be big; it just has to be yours. One small step to invest in yourself. Maybe be willing to drop a ball while you take a rest. Or hand a ball to someone else. Or observe a ball and see if it’s worth your time. I trust you to answer that question in a way that feels authentic to you. You are worth it.
If you're wondering what investing in yourself could look like, you don't have to figure it out alone. Whether you're looking for clarity, practical next steps, or a trusted guide as you navigate your financial future, I'm here to help. I offer one-on-one coaching designed to give you the tools and confidence to move forward with purpose. I'd love to connect with you.
