I Don't Know Anything About Our Finances. Where Do I Start?

Women come to me feeling embarrassed that they don't know more about their family's finances. They're often carrying two fears at the same time: they don't know where to begin, and they're afraid of what they'll discover once they start looking. If either of those feelings resonates with you, I hope this article reminds you that you are not alone. These are two of the most common conversations I have with women, and both begin with the same first step: gaining clarity.

What should I do if my spouse has always managed our finances and I don't have access to (or knowledge of) our accounts, income, or financial situation?

First, recognize this question is extremely common and not anything to be ashamed of. Did you know that up until the 1960s, married women could not open bank accounts, take out loans, or own property without their husband’s permission? It wasn’t until 1974, with the passing of the Equal Credit Opportunity Act, that women could open a bank account or apply for credit on their own. While we’ve come a long way, financial literacy and education for women is a relatively new concept. But the principles once learned and practiced are empowering. I find that when women have the opportunity to take agency over their finances, many find that they’re actually quite good at it.

Second, have you asked for access to financial information? And if not, can we talk about why? Sometimes it’s because you fear the response. Or you’ve asked in the past, and been made to feel like you have no reason to know and wouldn’t understand even if you did. Perhaps you are not working outside of the home and don’t want to seem untrusting or ungrateful. In some cases, there is unrecognized financial abuse happening where a woman's lack of access to financial accounts is used to control or manipulate (if this is the case, it may not be safe to ask questions until you have a solid support system in place). Exploring the reasons for your fear are a crucial part of the equation. And don’t worry; even if you don’t have access to everything, we can help you. In some cases, we work to create a list of possible assets that can aid in financial discovery done with a mediator or attorney.

Third, it’s likely you know more than you realize. We created this resource, Four Financial Proactive Steps To Take When Considering Divorce, to help get you started. At Healing House Solutions, we provide one-on-one financial guidance to help women collect financial information and create easy-to-understand budget and asset reports. These reports can be used regardless of whether a legal separation or divorce are sought to help women feel safe and financially secure.

Finally, knowledge is power. And waiting won’t make things better. In fact, very often, waiting leads to worse financial outcomes. In just the last month, I have talked to three women whose husbands had drained their savings or racked up debts without their consent or knowledge. It’s heartbreaking to know that, had they investigated earlier, they may have been able to financially protect themselves and their children. You have every right to have full transparency around finances in a marriage. And if you’re being told otherwise, that is a red flag. If you’d like some help, request a one-hour confidential consultation and gain the knowledge and coaching you need to move forward with confidence.

"I'm terrified to look at my finances. What if the numbers are worse than I expect?"

This is one of the most common fears women share with me. Not knowing is almost always more painful than knowing. The fear lives in the unknown. Once we put everything on paper, you gain power, not just information. You begin to see what support you may need, what options are available, and where you can make changes.

Many women do not know where to start, and that is completely normal. In a one-hour confidential consultation, you complete a short questionnaire ahead of time so I can understand your situation and your biggest financial concerns. It’s a chance to share your story and ask the questions that keep you up at night. For some, this one hour is all they need. Others may choose to move forward with a Financial Analysis Package to create a budget, marital assets reports, and run scenarios to show possible settlement options. For those not ready for that step but still wanting support, we also offer Clarity and Confidence coaching sessions based on our five core values.

Whether or not you work with Healing House Solutions long-term, you will leave that consultation call with clarity and direction. You are not expected to do this alone. We walk through it together, step by step, without judgment.

Take the First Step

You don't have to understand everything before asking questions, and you don't have to have every financial document before reaching out. Whether you're simply trying to understand your family's finances or navigating a separation or divorce, gaining clarity is often the first step toward greater confidence.

If you're ready to better understand your financial picture, request a confidential consultation. Together, we'll help you take the next step with greater knowledge, confidence, and peace of mind.